


Not So Drunken Texts

by PhiraLovesLoki, yayimallamaagain



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Artwork inside!, Captain Swan Cocktober, Drunk Texting, F/M, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-09-25 14:29:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17123114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhiraLovesLoki/pseuds/PhiraLovesLoki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yayimallamaagain/pseuds/yayimallamaagain
Summary: It's Emma's birthday, and she's more than a little miserable at the idea of her best friend and roommate, Killian, getting it on in some hotel room with someone who's not her. So of course she's going to drink too much, and of course she's going to check her phone a lot ... even though it's never a good idea to mix alcohol and text messaging.





	Not So Drunken Texts

**Author's Note:**

> Written (unexpectedly) for CS Cocktober in collaboration with yayimallamaagain, who made the imagesets at the beginning and end of the story. She sent me a prompt and an outline for the story, and this is what I managed to come up with. Originally posted on Tumblr, now moving to AO3 (it's been flagged so you can't read it on Tumblr anymore!).
> 
> First imageset is rated G. Second one is decidedly not--borderline E.

Emma pulled out her phone again. It had been an hour since she’d sent the text—he’d had to have replied to it already, right?

_E: Today sucks. You suck. Everyone sucks._

Nope. Still no reply.

_E: Where the fuck are you? You can’t be at work, it’s like ten o’clock._

“Oh come on, babe,” Ruby said. “We only just got started and you’re already checking the time?”

“‘Just got started?’ You make it sound like we have real plans besides getting drunk.”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Look, I know you’re upset because everyone’s out of town, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun. Come on!”

“Yeah, okay.” It wasn’t fair to take out her disappointment on Ruby. It wasn’t Ruby’s fault that Mary Margaret’s future mother-in-law’s 60th birthday was also this weekend, and that she and David had to travel out of state for it. Or that Regina was on a camping trip with her boyfriend that had been postponed weekend after weekend, and that this was the last weekend before the site closed for the season. Or that Elsa was the maid of honor in her sister’s wedding overseas.

Or that Killian had forgotten he had a business trip planned, even after he’d promised he’d be home. _That_ was the worst absence. If he had still been here, the others being gone wouldn’t have hurt nearly as much.

Her phone finally beeped as the first round of shots arrived.

_K: Sorry, love, you know I wish I could have made it home tonight. But I’ll be back first thing tomorrow, remember?_

_K: Of course I’m done with work, was simply in the shower._

_E: For an hour? Were you getting busy in there?_

_K: Will neither confirm nor deny ;) Aren’t you going out tonight?_

She replied with a photo of the shots.

“That’s Killian, isn’t it?” Ruby asked before downing her first shot.

“Yeah.”

“He can fuck off. I’ve got you tonight. If he wanted your attention, he should have stayed home.”

_E: Ruby says you can fuck off, I’m all hers tonight._

_K: Fuck off, eh? Guess it’s good that I’m heading to the hotel bar then._

She felt sick, and she hadn’t even tossed back a shot yet. He was heading down to the hotel bar—she knew what _that_ meant.

_E: Not getting enough at home? Gotta troll for tail on business trips?_

_K: You know how little I get at home, Swan, you’re my roommate._

_E: I guess I didn’t expect you to be desperate enough to pick up someone in a hotel in Florida._

“Emma, put the phone away.”

“Hold on.”

_K: Maybe just oral then. Bit safer that way._

“Ugh, you two need to just get it over with.”

She looked up from her phone. “What?”

“You and Jones need to cut the crap and just fuck already.”

“Oh, _please,_ there’s nothing—”

“No, don’t give me that bullshit.” Ruby downed another shot. “You want to fuck him, he wants to fuck you, but you both keep dancing around it and we all hate it.”

Emma could feel her face burning up. “I don’t want to fuck him.” She sighed—the lie hadn’t even sounded convincing to her. “Well, fine, but he doesn’t want to fuck me.”

“Are you willfully ignorant or something? Boy’s got it bad for you, hon. You know if he were here right now, he’d be practically draped all over you.”

“As a friend.”

“To keep away the competition. You know, mark his territory.”

“I’m no one’s territory.”

“Oh, stop, you know what I meant. We’re all just waiting for you both to get over yourselves.”

“Um, excuse me—you _all?”_

“Yeah, all of us. You guys are not subtle at all.”

“Ruby—”

“Look, consider my brutal honesty your birthday present.”

“I thought the shots were my birthday present.”

“Well, they were supposed to be but you haven’t had any. So either put your phone away, or tell Killian you’re gonna fuck him when he gets home, and _then_ put your phone away. Come on, I don’t want to get drunk alone.” And she lifted her eyebrow expectantly before defiantly throwing back another shot.

Emma felt frozen. She could admit that she’d tried to test the waters by flirting with Killian to see if he was interested; she just hadn’t realized that other people had noticed. But wouldn’t that mean that Killian had to have noticed, too? That had to mean he would know how she felt and had opted not to do or say anything.

But why would Ruby tell her Killian _was_ interested if it wasn’t true? Just because she wanted to get Emma off her phone didn’t mean that she’d lie to do it.

And okay, sure, Killian probably _would_ be sitting next to her if he were here. And yeah, after a drink or two, he’d probably put his arm around her. But didn’t friends do that?

“Fuck or get off the phone,” Ruby said, and then she slid four shots across the table. “And then start playing catch up, birthday girl.”

Well, she was thirty now. If she wasn’t going to take risks now, when would she ever?

If he wanted oral, then he should know he didn’t have to be in Florida to get it.

_E: TBH if you want your dick sucked, I would volunteer gladly._

And then she shoved her phone back into her pocket, resolving not to look at it again until she’d finished all four shots.

Four shots, two plates of nachos, and most of a margarita later, though, and there was still no reply. “Well, this sucks,” she said between sips of her latest drink.

“Huh?”

“Stop making eyes at the bartender—I have real problems.”

“He hasn’t replied?”

“Nope.”

“That’s weird.”

“Not if he doesn’t like me back.”

“He totally does! I don’t know what’s wrong with him!”

“Yeah, whatever. Just get me another margarita so I can forget this ever happened.”

* * *

Somewhere, there was a loud bang, and Emma woke with a start and a groan. What the hell time was it? God, she drank too much last night. She grabbed at her phone. How was it already noon?

Shit, it was noon—and the loud bang was the front door slamming, because Killian’s flight had gotten in this morning.

He’d never replied to any of her texts last night, had he? She quickly opened up her messaging app.

_E: look ruby said you liked me and everyone knows i like you so okay i’m sorry i shouldn’t have said anything or like maybe i should have opened with something more romantic??? this is killing me you have to text me back i think you hate me do you hate me?? omg what the fuck was i thinking_

Her hangover had mostly involved grogginess and a headache, but now there was a lot of nausea. Could she have said anything _more_ embarrassing? She should have let Ruby take away her phone after she’d done all those shots. Because if she hadn’t ruined her friendship with Killian with her previous text about sucking his dick, she’d certainly done it with this one.

“Swan, are you home?”

“Uh, yeah, be right out!”

Except—

Oh god, she hadn’t sent it.

The word vomit was still in the text box, waiting for her to hit send.

She had to steel herself, taking a deep breath and steadying her hands, before she very, very carefully deleted it.

Bullet dodged.

“Swan?”

“Yeah, hold on!” Last night, she’d only managed to peel off her jeans before falling into bed; she quickly adjusted her bra under her top before pulling on a pair of sweatpants she found on the floor. “How was your flight?”

“It was fine. I’m just glad to be home. Are you decent or does your belated birthday hug need to wait?”

She stumbled a little as she opened the door and stepped into the living room. There he was, Killian Jones, smiling at her like he was just absolutely relieved that he was home to see her. Maybe Ruby was right? There was a shyness to his smile that was a little unfamiliar, but as he enveloped her in a hug, she decided to ignore it for now and just enjoy that he was home.

“Happy birthday, love. I trust you had a good time with Ruby?”

“Yeah, drank a little too much.”

He laughed as they parted, and gestured to her clothes. “Aye, I can see that.” He wheeled his suitcase into his room, and she could hear him as he began to unpack. “Would you still like to do something this evening, or are you too hungover?”

“No, I’d be up for something.” He was acting pretty normal; did he not get the other text she’d sent? She could have sworn it had sent.

“Really? You said you drank too much.”

“Four shots and two margaritas.”

He whistled, impressed. “You’re far more lucid than I’d expect given that.”

“I was pretty smashed. I’m just glad my drunk text didn’t send.”

He popped his head into the doorway and grimaced. “Love, I’m … I’m afraid it did.”

“What?” But she’d deleted it, hadn’t she? It hadn’t sent, so she’d been able to delete it, not even five minutes ago. Had she hallucinated that?

“Aye. See?” And he pulled out his phone and showed her the screen.

Her word vomit text was nowhere to be seen, and she sagged in relief. “No, it didn’t.” She swatted his arm playfully. “Don’t fucking scare me like that!”

“But … it did.” He frowned and read aloud from his phone. “You said, ‘To be honest, if you want your dick sucked, I would volunteer gladly.’”

It was the moment of truth.

Brush it off as a drunk text she didn’t realize she’d sent, or admit that she’d been stone cold sober at the time. Maintain the status quo, or take a leap of faith. Be a coward, or risk ruining a good thing in pursuit of a great thing.

This was all too much for noon on a Sunday morning while hungover.

“Yeah, that wasn’t a drunk text.”

In for a penny, et cetera.

“What?”

“It wasn’t a drunk text.”

He stared down at the phone. “You were sober when you sent this?”

“Not a single drink in me.”

She could see him thinking, digesting the information, eyes still on the screen. It was all she could do to resist the urge to say something, interrupt the silence, demand that he not leave her hanging. First he hadn’t replied to the text, and now this?

He nodded to himself as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Let me make sure I understand. You’d gladly suck my dick?”

She swallowed hard but stood firm. No time to wimp out now. “That’s what I said.”

He crossed the room slowly, and she couldn’t stop the corner of her lips from turning up a little bit; she recognized the swagger in his step. “You, Emma Swan, would _enthusiastically_ suck me off?”

“Uh huh.”

He was right in front of her now, so close she could smell his cologne. How could she have been so blind? Of course Ruby had been right; why would he put on cologne when he was just coming home from the airport if not to impress her?

“So if I asked you for a blowjob,” he continued, and he was leaning into her, practically speaking directly into her ear, with his breath hot on her neck. “If I asked you for one right now, you would drop to your knees and take my cock between those gorgeous lips of yours?”

“No,” she breathed, and he pulled back, confusion written all over his face.

“I—bloody hell, love, I’m sorry, I—”

“It’s my birthday,” she pointed out. “You should be going down on me first.”

The noise he made was inhuman, but there was no time to comment on it, not when he was kissing her—hard and deep, and his arms were around her, and before she knew it, she’d been backed up against the couch.

In seconds, she was sitting on the edge of it as her sweatpants and panties were yanked down to her ankles.

There would be time to thank Ruby later.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


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